Dear Reverend,
Every time I go somewhere with my best friend, she asks to put her stuff in my purse: keys, wallet, phone — you name it. I know it shouldn’t be a big deal, but it annoys the crap out of me. How can I get her to stop without seeming petty?
Holden Lesac
(woman, 27)
Dear Holden Lesac,
Small annoyances can add up to big trouble. When something bothers you, it’s always worth the effort to solve the problem, no matter how trivial it may seem.
You could take a straightforward approach and let your friend know that you don’t like being responsible for her belongings. You’d feel terrible if you lost her phone, right? You should be able to bring it up without making a big fuss. Then, the next time the two of you are going somewhere, remind her ahead of time to bring a bag — or to wear something with pockets.
If a discussion feels daunting, try a more sly approach. On your next outing, use a smaller purse that only fits your items. When she asks you to carry her things, just tell her there’s no room at the inn. Simple as that. If you’re always a big-bag lady, get a small, foldable tote that you can have at the ready to hand her. Doing that a couple of times ought to get the point across.
Perhaps your pal has never found a purse that works for her. For her next birthday or other gift-giving occasion, get her one. Since it seems like she isn’t a fan of toting a tote, a belt bag might be more her style. Think fancy fanny pack. They come in all sorts of shapes and sizes these days.
If all else fails, enforce a simple rule: When she puts her things in your bag, she has to carry it.
Good luck and God bless,
The Reverend