Dear Annie: My younger sister “Natalie” got married this spring to a man none of us really know. They met online, and within six months, they were engaged. My parents were uneasy about how fast it all happened, but Natalie was sure. She said she’d never felt so connected to anyone.
Since the wedding, though, she’s been pulling away from the family. She used to call me almost every day, and now it’s maybe once a week. She skipped our mom’s birthday dinner last month and didn’t seem that apologetic about it. When I ask how she’s doing, she just says she’s “busy” and changes the subject.
I know married life is an adjustment, and I don’t expect to be her top priority right now, but the shift feels bigger than that. I miss her, and I’m not sure how to reach out without sounding clingy or critical. I don’t want to make her feel guilty. I just want our closeness back!
How do I let her know I miss her without pushing her away? — Protective Big Sister
Dear Protective Big Sister: The “honeymoon phase” can be all-consuming, especially when a relationship moved as fast as theirs did. It’s possible Natalie is simply wrapped up in her new life and hasn’t realized how distant she’s become.
Still, if you ever notice clear red flags in their relationship — controlling behavior, possessiveness or signs of emotional abuse — it’s important to stay close and remain a judgment-free place she can turn to.
More likely, though, she’s just infatuated and adjusting. That phase won’t last forever, but don’t wait it out in silence. Tell her you miss her and value the relationship. Being honest now can keep resentment from building later.
Read more Dear Annie and other advice columns.
“How Can I Forgive My Cheating Partner?” is out now! Annie Lane’s second anthology — featuring favorite columns on marriage, infidelity, communication and reconciliation — is available as a paperback and e-book. Visit Creators Publishing for more information. Send your questions for Annie Lane to [email protected].
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