Burger Vault in Altamonte Springs is worth breaking into

Credit: Matt Keller Lehman

I had a bit of fun trying to come up with slogans for Burger Vault in Altamonte Springs, the subject of this week’s review. From the obvious “Burger Vault: We Lock In the Flavor” to more oblique zingers like “Burger Vault: It’s Empty (pregnant pause) Calories,” the taglines I spurted were met with an unimpressed grimace from my wife. “OK, OK, what about ‘Burger Vault: A Springboard to Heart Disease’?”

Nothing.

And while the latter may very well be true, Burger Vault is also a springboard to a relatively new burger trend — the all-halal variant. Yes, it seems halal burger joints have ground their way into a share of the better burger market across the city, whether it’s stalwarts like Charcoal Zyka and their chapli kebab burger, or the all-American classics being flipped at O’Town Burgers N Wings and Beef N’ Buns, or the smashed patties at Smashville and Juicy Burger & Wings — to name just a few.

’Cuz there are a lot.

But in addition to serving burgers fashioned from meat slaughtered according to Islamic jurisprudence (that is, by hand), Burger Vault adds a well-guarded seasoning by way of Jordan to all their patties. Like, really well-guarded. And not anything as obvious as, say, a baharat or za’atar, but a lot more subtle. Sumac for sure. I may have detected some cumin notes.

Of note, as far as olfactory notes go, was the superbly aromatic char being fired onto these patties. In fact, we sniffed out the burger joint, literally, by following the flame-broiled scent from the light at State Road 436 and Montgomery Road straight to the source inside the Ashby’s Square strip mall. That source, a fire-licked grate manned by a burger maestro with a penchant for pyrotechnics, is the draw. The flare-ups he theatrically induces, often to the delight of those in line, has purpose — a crusty char on both sides of the 5.3-ounce all-beef patty. Or, in the case of the volcano burger ($17; $21 with fries and a drink), two 5.3-ounce all-beef patties.

Burger Vault’s signature handheld oozes with melted cheddar and a not-so-fiery “volcano” sauce given a kick by some charred jalapeños. It’s superb, substantial and anything but smashed. In fact, when I brought up the topic of smashburgers to one of the guys behind the counter, he responded, “Those are not burgers.”

Clearly, the boys take their work seriously. Every patty served in every burger we’ve tried has been subjected to the dark arts. An order of the simple, basic “classic” burger ($13 single; $17 double) had my Cali-born-and-bred bud likening it to In-N-Out’s (BV’s brioche bun notwithstanding). No argument from me.

No psilocybin in the “mushroom magic” ($15), but the greenish fungi sauce and yellow melt of American cheese gave off some psychedelic vibes. We were turned onto the “Build Your Own Fries” option ($5) and it was pretty far out, man. Well, it was the way we ordered it — with cheese sauce ($1.79), caramelized onions (99 cents), jalapeños (no extra charge) and bacon ($2) of the beef variety (this is a halal joint, after all). Yeah, washing it all down with some electric Kool-Aid would’ve been totally groovy, but a vanilla shake ($7) helped mellow out the burn.

The space itself, with its brick walls and leather booths, is marred only by the harsh interrogation-room lighting — take heed; there will be squinting. Also odd is that should you want your burger cut in half, a server must be summoned, after which one will come by with a sizable steak knife to dissect it. Table knives were nowhere to be found.

I wasn’t all too fond of the Sydney crispy chicken burger ($14): unmelted slices of cheddar in between a not-so-crispy chicken breast and turkey patty with lettuce, tomato, pickles and a honey-mustardish “Sydney” sauce. I don’t know about the chicken sammies being served down under, but BV ought to look a little closer to home for chicken sandwich inspiration (i.e., Nashville).

Speaking of Australia, BV initially offered an 8-ounce Australian wagyu burger on a Martin’s potato roll ($30), but then switched to American wagyu. Not sure I can justify paying that amount for American wagyu. Bad As’s Burgers offers Aussie wag burgers at almost half the price.

Indeed, the city is chock-full of burger options — great options — and Burger Vault has immersed itself in a very crowded field, but you’d do well to give them a try. “Burger Vault: We’ve Got the Right Combination.”

She didn’t even crack a smile at that one.

(Burger Vault, 520 W. State Road 436, Altamonte Springs, 321-972-1646, burgervaultorlando.com, $$)

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