DEAR MISS MANNERS: Relative to the longstanding tradition of men proposing marriage to women, and in this day of slow (but hopefully inexorable) movement towards gender equity, I wonder if the percent of marriage proposals initiated by women has increased. Should it?
GENTLE READER: Sure, it should. In a sensible world, it would hardly matter which half of a couple suggested getting married.
But there is nothing sensible about what has happened to marriage proposals. In today’s show-offy society, where nothing counts unless it has received the widest possible publicity, marriage proposals have become performance art.
In what seems like a parody of a ritual that exists mostly in the imagination of cartoonists, the proposal requires the gentleman to be on his knees offering an astonished lady a box containing a ring. Apparently, he is also supposed to arrange for it all to be photographed, and there is extra credit for special effects, such as skywriting. And so that all this effort is not wasted on merely the lady, the couple’s friends and relatives may be invited to make surprise appearances.
There is always the possibility of high drama if the proposal is refused. But generally, this is a staged event by couples who have already agreed to marry. That, alone, constitutes an engagement. Yet they claim that they are not engaged until this rite is performed.
That Miss Manners finds this laughable will not — and should not — discourage those who enjoy it. But she will point out that this pseudo-retro act is firmly cast by gender roles.
Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, [email protected]; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.