John Hinckley Jr., the would-be assassin of President Ronald Reagan in 1981 who was fully released from psychiatric care in 2022, has published a memoir he hopes will show the public that he’s not the same person who pulled that trigger so long ago.
Hinckley, 70, who now lives in the Williamsburg area, started writing the book, titled “Who I Really Am,” in February and finished it over the summer in collaboration with Jason Norman. He said delving into the early years of his life was difficult but that the story “had to be told.”
“I’m a totally different person from the person I was in 1981 and, for the people who care, I want them to know that I have moved far beyond that person I was in 1981 and that I now have a life devoted to my music and my artwork and the arts,” Hinckley said in an interview.
The book deals with his youth marked by unfulfilled dreams, the desire for a music career, failing to graduate from college, as well as what led him to trying to kill the president.
“I got estranged from my family back then, I got isolated, and had depression and delusions and it was hard to talk about that stuff because it’s not an easy thing to think back on,” he said. “The depression I think led to the delusions. I had pushed my family away, I had pushed God away and that was not a good thing to do. And I think that’s what led to what happened in March of 1981.”
The book also details his time in St. Elizabeth’s Hospital and his recovery.
Hinckley has resisted dwelling on the past but said he knows it’s something he’s going to be asked about for the rest of his life. He hopes the book will bring some “closure.”
“It’s something I can’t just hide and back away from,” he said.
Though Reagan publicly forgave him, when Hinckley was granted federal release, Reagan’s daughter, Patti Davis, wrote in an op-ed published in The Washington Post that “(people’s) memories have faded … (but) for me, for my family, for (actress Jodie) Foster, the memory of that day will never fade.” At the time of the shooting, Hinckley told investigators that he shot Reagan to impress Foster.
Davis spoke about her fear of being contacted by Hinckley and living with “the anger, and the darkness that one person keeps bringing into your life.”
Asked who he is now, Hinckley said he’s an artist. He sells paintings online and has many songs on streaming services, including five singles this year which he hopes to include in his sophomore album.
Though he struggled after his release to find places where he could perform.
Venues across the country canceled planned shows, and locally a performance scheduled for the Williamsburg Regional Library Theatre was called off after it generated negative buzz because of his polarizing backstory.
Hinckley said he no longer suffers from the mental illness that plagued his youth, saying, “I’ve overcome it,” and credited his family and artistic endeavors with helping him build a new life.
“(What helped the most was) the love of my family, getting into my music — music has been kind of a therapy for me,” he said. “I do take psychiatric medications so I’m sure that helps too.”
In one of his recent singles, titled “I Have No Mouth and I Must Scream,” released in October, Hinckley sings, “hide me in your attic, take away the desperation, take away the gloom, life can be a nightmare, life can be a dream.” On whether life still feels like a nightmare, Hinckley said, “that’s just stuff you put in a song.”
“I don’t feel like life is a nightmare at all, life is good,” he said.
Hinckley has struggled to find a venue willing to host a live performance of his music, but said he didn’t run into those same difficulties getting his book published by WildBlue Press.
He wants those who read his book to know that “I’m just like they are.”
“I’m trying to live a good life, live a normal life, and just get along and try to get along with my neighbors and people that I meet out and about and that I’m just not the person I was back in the old days,” he said.
Hinckley’s book was released on Dec. 9 and is available on Amazon.
The Virginia Gazette contributed to this report.
Gavin Stone, 757-712-4806, [email protected]