Dear Annie: My sister-in-law has disliked me for as long as I can remember. I’ve never fully understood why, but over the years she’s made her feelings clear in a hundred small ways — cold shoulders at family gatherings, pointed comments and a general effort to keep me at arm’s length. I’ve always tried to rise above it for the sake of the family, especially because I was close to her children while they were growing up.
Her oldest son recently got married, and somehow she has managed to turn his new wife against me as well. Practically overnight, my nephew — now a newly married man — has cooled toward me. It’s as if he’s forgotten the years of support I gave him. I always showed up for him, driving three and a half hours to his football games, sitting in the bleachers in the rain and supporting him through the rough patches. I never expected anything in return, but I did think our bond meant something.
Now I feel like an outsider looking in on a family I once felt very much part of. I’m not interested in choosing sides. I just want to know if there’s any hope of salvaging these relationships or if I should step back and accept that his mother’s opinion of me has become the family party line.
Is there anything I can do to rebuild a connection with my nephew? — Hurt and Hoping
Dear Hurt and Hoping: It sounds as though your sister-in-law has been steering this ship for years, and now your nephew and his wife are drifting in her wake. That stings, especially after all the miles you logged to support him growing up.
You can’t rewrite whatever story she’s telling. What you can do is stay gracious and above the fray. A simple, friendly note to your nephew — “Wishing you both well, my door is always open” — keeps the lines of communication intact without guilt or drama. Then let the ball sit in his court.
People often lean toward the loudest voice in the family, but time has a way of revealing who treated them well.
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“How Can I Forgive My Cheating Partner?” is out now! Annie Lane’s second anthology — featuring favorite columns on marriage, infidelity, communication and reconciliation — is available as a paperback and e-book. Visit Creators Publishing for more information. Send your questions for Annie Lane to [email protected].