Dear Annie: I’ve always prided myself on being the strong one in my family. The listener, the peacekeeper, the one everyone calls when something falls apart. But lately, I’ve realized I don’t have anyone who checks in on me. When I try to open up, people quickly turn the conversation back to themselves or tell me to stay positive.
I’m exhausted from pretending I’m fine when I’m not. I love my family and friends, but I’m starting to feel invisible, like my strength has become a reason for others to stop showing up. I don’t want to withdraw completely, but I also can’t keep being everyone’s emotional lifeline while mine is fraying.
How do I set boundaries without seeming cold or ungrateful, and how do I let people know I need support, too? — Tired of Being the Strong One
Dear Tired: Even the strongest need a soft place to land. You’ve been everyone’s safety net so long they’ve forgotten you could fall, too. The fix isn’t to pull away, but rather it’s to speak up. Tell them you’re not feeling like a superhero this week and could use a little backup. Real friends won’t see that as weakness; they’ll see it as truth. Being strong doesn’t mean you’ll never break. Strength is knowing when to ask someone else to help hold you together.
Read more Dear Annie and other advice columns.
“How Can I Forgive My Cheating Partner?” is out now! Annie Lane’s second anthology — featuring favorite columns on marriage, infidelity, communication and reconciliation — is available as a paperback and e-book. Visit Creators Publishing for more information. Send your questions for Annie Lane to [email protected].