At 95, Antoinette Paterakis, a Greek American matriarch, singer, artist and mother of six, reflects on a life shaped by faith, a strict immigrant upbringing, memories of World War II, and her early musical training at Peabody.
The conversation traces her 40-year marriage at 19 to businessman and H&S Bakery founder John Paterakis, her own mother’s struggles with depression and the joy of finding love again later in life. She also shared the legacy she hopes to leave to her 19 grandchildren and 18 great-grandchildren.
The interview has been edited for clarity and brevity,
Tell us about your parents and the household you grew up in.
Well, my father came from Greece. So of course, being from another world, he was very old-fashioned, but a very, very intelligent man for his time. I’d realize that much later in life when I got more mature. I had a wonderful mother, but not a healthy woman. She was very depressed person.
And so my father more raised me than my mother raised me. And so that was my youth. At that at that time my father was a strong, hardworking man who came from Greece. And the first thing he did was put a tattoo of the American flag on his shoulder. That’s how much he loved America. So that impressed me as a child, that he was so faithful to America.
What characteristics of your father sustained you throughout your life?
I think his strength, he never gave up. He was a hard worker. … And he made himself very, actually successful in life. He made enough money that he raised me. … he also made me follow the strict life of the old-fashioned Greek, where I was supposed to be the perfect woman.
What does “old fashioned” mean in terms of dating and chastity?
I wasn’t allowed to go out with boys. I never dated. I wasn’t even allowed to have girlfriends unless they came to the house.
Was your first boyfriend your first husband, John Paterakis?
Yeah. And we didn’t go out.
What did your father and mother do for a living?
My mother really didn’t do well. She was a housewife. In those years, women didn’t have careers. So that was her career. … My father was a produce man. He bought produce, and he delivered them to restaurants. And at that time, [World War II] had started. And so that really grew his business very fast.
What are your memories of World War II?
You didn’t see too many men in the city because they were all soldiers. … I was very young at that time, but I remember being in school and I used to sing, so my teacher[s] … would take the children in the hallways to stay safe in case there was a bomb or something [and] have me sing there to calm them down and relax them a little bit so they wouldn’t get too frightened.
When did you discover you had a gift for singing?
I guess about …10 years old. My teacher went to my parents and told them that I was talented, and they should do something about my career. And that’s when I went to Peabody.
How did your mother’s illness impact you?
It impacted me a lot. Because I remember going to school and running home as fast as I could. Because I worried about her walking in the street. She would take walks for a long time, and I wanted to see that she was all right because I was so afraid the car would hit her because she was not very careful about herself. And that’s what I still remember, running to her to help her.
How old were you when you lost your mother to cancer?
Twenty-four.
What was it like when you lost your father?
I don’t remember the date, but when you lose your last parent, you suddenly realize you’re an orphan. It’s a different feeling altogether. I can’t even explain it. He was my everything because my mother was always so weak. Consequently, it was a big loss.
What was it like getting married at 19 and leaving home?
It was a relief because my dad was so old-fashioned that I actually wanted to get away from my home … They wouldn’t allow me to date. They wouldn’t allow me to go anywhere unless I was with them. So it was a relief to get married, to have a new life for myself, because there was no future with them. They didn’t allow me to be myself, what I wanted to be.
Were you much different from your father when raising your own children?
I wasn’t strict like my father was. I was much more lenient and, well, I was more Americanized, too, because I was born in America and I had more modern ideas than my father did. But I was also proud of … being Greek.
How did you manage marriage, children, and your own ambitions?
We were young. We were struggling. My husband had a business, which he had to grow. So all the responsibilities of the children were all on me. First of all, he wasn’t the kind of man that would take care of children. He was a workaholic. So he never really was there for me to help, to help me with my raising of my children. But he was a great provider and a hard worker. So for what all my children have today is thanks to him that we have it. … But I really took the responsibility of raising my children. But that was a pleasure, really. I that was never a job for me.
What made you decide to divorce after 40 years?
That’s a hard question to answer without hurting my children … I just realized … we didn’t love each other. There was nothing there anymore. And just needed to walk away from that life.
What did life become after you made that decision?
A rebirth. It’s like when you realize that you finally face a new way of life. … It’s just that I didn’t have anybody to answer to anymore. I was on my own, and I just remember just saying, ‘wow, I’ve got a new life. I’ve got new decisions to make,’ and you have the different opportunities suddenly opening up for you.
Did you have any doubt that you could make it solo?
No. One way or another, I knew I would because I’m a strong person mentally and physically.
Talk about your time singing and performing.
I enjoyed every moment of it. Going to school was great, but the best part for me was being in all the plays. I was the lead in three plays, and I loved it. I probably would have enjoyed going to New York if my parents had allowed it, because I wanted that. I really wanted to go to New York because I knew I could make it. They would never have allowed me to do that, so there was no discussion. I knew there was no hope of getting that freedom.
Do you think your life would be different if you had gone to New York?
Yes, it probably would be, but I don’t regret what I did. I’m glad my life worked that way because I wouldn’t have this wonderful family. There are no regrets. When we’re young, we have dreams, we think we’re going to do this and that, but reality sets in. Things change and you learn more. God has a reason for everything.
Describe each of your children.
Steve has a heart of gold. He’s my first, so I’m very soft on him, he’s a sweetheart. Bill is the quiet one who takes everything in. I feel bad for him because he lost his wife to cancer in her 40s. He has triplets, three children, who are grown now. He’s been through a lot, but he’s a very good son and very religious. Vanessa was my blessing because, after two boys, I had a girl. Even her father was really happy. My gift for having a girl was a sewing machine, he brought me a sewing machine. I guess he wanted me to sew so I wouldn’t spend his money on clothes. I was very disappointed.
My fourth, J.R., is different from all my children. He loves life and enjoy[s] it. He puts work second, but when it comes to his wife and his life, he knows how to live. He’s the first one to take a vacation, the first to travel, and he just knows how to live, while the others worry about everything. He doesn’t worry about anything but his wife and family, which I think is great. Some of the family do not agree, but I think it’s great.
Chuck is such a sweetheart, an easy person to live with. Wonderful life, wonderful family. My husband gave him a rough time because he thought a man should be tough, but Chuck is not like that. He has always been easygoing and loves life and his family. He’s a family man, which is wonderful. He’s always been my baby boy.
Karen is the last hurrah. She has turned out to be such a blessing. At the time, I wasn’t very happy, I admit, after five children, having six, and I was already ready to leave my husband. I wasn’t at the point of wanting to be pregnant. But when she came and I put her in my arms, I was lost for her. She is a sweetheart with the kindest heart you could ever see, and such a blessing to me. I cannot be happier as a mother with how all my children run their lives. I’m very proud of what they do. There’s nothing more a mother can ask than to see her family together. We’re all close; we all love each other. That’s the biggest reward a mother or father could ask for.
What about your second marriage?
The second time is totally different because you know what you’re looking for. When I met my second husband, it was immediate. We met at a party, sat down, started talking, and talked for hours, which I never did with my first husband. He was very easy, very loving, and put me on a pedestal, which I had never experienced. When you haven’t had that in a first marriage, it’s so important when you finally find the person who gives you that love and confidence in your life.
Where did you develop your artistic skills?
I didn’t start until I was about 45, 50. A friend of mine, Helen, and I decided to take art classes on a whim, something to do because we had raised our children and were looking for something to get into. I started with a wonderful teacher who gave me a lot of courage to go further than I thought I could. My daughter Vanessa wanted me to paint a huge picture for her. I never thought I could do that. I told my teacher what my daughter wanted and said I didn’t know if I could because it was so big. She said, “You can do it.” Just her saying that made me feel that if she thought I could, I would. It’s hanging in my daughter’s home, and it turned out well. After that, I had no fear of where I was going with art.
What did art help you learn about yourself?
That you can do whatever you want in life if you believe in yourself. It gave me strength to realize if I can do this, I can do other things too.
What are your thoughts about dying?
I worry about that very much, because I know my kids are going to come apart when I’m gone, even my sons. One said, “I can’t imagine life without you.” But that’s life, and we all lose our parents. I feel I’ve given them enough strength that they’ll be fine. They have a family to take care of, and they’ll be fine. I’m very surprised I’ve lived this long, and I’m very thankful that I’m strong enough to still enjoy a little bit of my children and family. It’s such a blessing. I’m not afraid at all. I believe in God, and whatever is, is. I’ve lived a decent life. I’ve had cancer twice, so I’ve been through pain; I know what that is like. To reach 95 is such a gift from God.
Armstrong Williams (www.armstrongwilliams.com; @arightside) is a political analyst, syndicated columnist and owner of the broadcasting company, Howard Stirk Holdings. He is also part owner of The Baltimore Sun.