Dear Eric: My wife and I have three children in their 20s. We paid for their college educations; they have no debt.
Each has their own unique ambitions. My oldest child has a professional job, the youngest just graduated college and is still figuring out his path. My middle child will go to law school, and I plan to pay for it, for many reasons, but one of which is that I have plenty of money.
Other situations may arise, like perhaps advancing another child’s funds to purchase a house or something similar.
To sort of keep it fair, I was thinking that every time I make a tuition payment, I would also make a monetary gift to the other children.
Is this reasonable and if so, should I not advertise it to the law student? All the kids have a trust fund, so they will all inherit plenty of money at some point.
Rich problems, I know, but thanks all the same.
– All’s Fair
Dear Fair: First, a question – are you open to adoption? Because I know of a certain gainfully employed advice columnist who would gladly start accepting checks.
Now, the answer: if you have the funds and you want to keep everything completely neutral, sure, give the gifts to the other children. I wouldn’t hide it from the law student, though. Clear communication around money and intention, especially in family systems, is always key.
Lastly, a suggestion: instead of writing your other two children checks, consider asking them to pick a charity or multiple charities, and donate the amount equivalent of each tuition payment in their names. This way, there’s no danger of the law student feeling that they lost out on money by going to law school. Instead, because of their decision and your generosity, the world improves in multiple ways.
Read more Asking Eric and other advice columns.
Send questions to R. Eric Thomas at [email protected] or P.O. Box 22474, Philadelphia, PA 19110. Follow him on Instagram and sign up for his weekly newsletter at rericthomas.com.
If you purchase a product or register for an account through a link on our site, we may receive compensation. By using this site, you consent to our User Agreement and agree that your clicks, interactions, and personal information may be collected, recorded, and/or stored by us and social media and other third-party partners in accordance with our Privacy Policy.