Asking Eric: Response to previous question from reader

Dear Eric: I wanted to respond to the letter from the father who found out his children did not share his DNA (“Sad Dad”). I am a daughter who discovered after my parents were dead that my father was not my DNA donor.

The father, and your answer, were spot on. I went through a period of feeling unmoored after I found out. I always knew my mother was adopted – no blood relatives save her on the maternal side – now it turned out my father’s blood relatives weren’t my blood relatives.

But after a while – and granted, I am an old woman, been through a lot anyway – my feelings calmed down. I was blessed to have the most wonderful father – no DNA donor could have been better. (I was a little upset at my mom, but she and I will take that up in Heaven). So, please tell the writer from me to take deep breaths and ride out this storm of emotions, it sounds like there are good relations on the other side.

– Grateful Daughter

Dear Daughter: I heard from many people who made similar discoveries about their families of origin and every one reflected the same sentiment – a gratitude for the parent who was there. I hope the letter writer takes this to heart.

I also received letters from parents who discovered they weren’t the biological parents of the children they raised and loved. Some of those letters wisely suggested that “Sad Dad” also process his feelings with a counselor trained in family therapy. There are a lot of complicated emotions, and they deserve to be heard, and in some cases, healed, so that the family bonds don’t suffer.

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Send questions to R. Eric Thomas at [email protected] or P.O. Box 22474, Philadelphia, PA 19110. Follow him on Instagram and sign up for his weekly newsletter at rericthomas.com.