DEAR ERIC: My son’s second wife is trying to keep him away from me and not allow me to see his triplet daughters. She is not the children’s mother.
Before his current marriage, he and another woman had triplet girls. From the girls’ birth, he and their mother did not get along.
He married his second wife when the triplets were about three. They are now eight years old and the second wife is isolating him and the girls from me. When he somehow managed to begin talking to me again and then bringing the girls to see me, she “punished them” by saying in June that they could not stay at my house for the remainder of the year. My son agreed.
Her mother may see and keep them and so can my son’s stepmother.
My son is a hard worker, now holding three jobs; however, he does not manage money well. I believe his second wife helped him save his house.
I am trying to save the relationship between my son and me. I don’t know what else to do.
– Sad Mother and Grandmother
DEAR MOTHER: The crux of the problem is in the sentence “my son agreed.” The relationship may be unhealthy; if she’s trying to isolate him from family, it may be a sign of emotional abuse.
To get to the bottom of it, you’ve got to have a conversation with your son. Ask him why he agreed to stay away from you, ask if there’s something unsaid between the two of you, and ask him what’s going on in his marriage that’s affecting his relationship with you.
Try to do this without judgment, while also being clear about how you feel and how this is impacting you. Seek to understand and offer help if it’s needed. Your son has to be responsible for his own decisions, and if he’s willing to keep his children and himself away from you, he should be able to articulate why.
(Send questions to R. Eric Thomas at [email protected] or P.O. Box 22474, Philadelphia, PA 19110. Follow him on Instagram and sign up for his weekly newsletter at rericthomas.com.)
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