Dear Abby: My 11-year-old daughter, “Emma,” has a group of six to eight friends she has played with at school, in scouts, parties, etc., for more than three years. Eight months ago, one of the girls, “Charlotte,” had a sleepover, and Emma was not invited. She was very hurt and cried. I told her she would not always be invited to everything and maybe there was a limit Charlotte could invite.
Since then, whenever there is an event that Emma knows Charlotte will be at, my daughter refuses to go. For eight months she has purposely skipped some parties and scouting events. Otherwise, they all seem to still hang together at school. How can I help my daughter understand she is only hurting herself?
— Empathetic Mom in Ohio
Dear Mom,
It is time your daughter was taught that she doesn’t have to “like” everyone she socializes with — however, she may need to get along with them. If she can absorb that lesson, it will benefit her as she goes through school and beyond. Tell Emma you hate seeing her punish herself, thinking it will hurt Charlotte, when Charlotte may not notice her absence at all. Although Emma is just 11, the time has come for her to do some growing up.
Read more Dear Abby and other advice columns.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
If you purchase a product or register for an account through a link on our site, we may receive compensation. By using this site, you consent to our User Agreement and agree that your clicks, interactions, and personal information may be collected, recorded, and/or stored by us and social media and other third-party partners in accordance with our Privacy Policy.