Dear Annie: I feel like I am constantly being pulled in too many directions, and I do not know how to handle it anymore. Between work, raising kids, caring for aging parents and trying to keep some sort of social life, I am stretched so thin that I am starting to feel resentful.
My friends and family all seem to assume I will say yes whenever they need something, whether it is babysitting, covering an extra shift or hosting yet another family get-together. If I do say no, I am made to feel guilty, like I am being selfish.
The truth is, I am exhausted. I want to be there for the people I care about, but I also know I cannot keep running myself into the ground.
How do I set boundaries without pushing people away or feeling like the bad guy? — Overwhelmed and Worn Out
Dear Overwhelmed: You are not selfish, and you are not the bad guy. You are simply human, and like everyone else, you only have so much energy to give. Boundaries are not walls that shut people out; they are fences that protect your well-being so you can show up as your best self. Start small. The next time someone asks for a favor you truly cannot manage, try saying, “I wish I could, but I just do not have the bandwidth right now.” That is a complete sentence, and it does not require apology or explanation.
The people who truly value you will respect your honesty. The guilt you feel comes from a lifetime of always saying yes, but it will lessen over time as you learn that taking care of yourself is not only necessary but healthy.
Read more Dear Annie and other advice columns.
“How Can I Forgive My Cheating Partner?” is out now! Annie Lane’s second anthology — featuring favorite columns on marriage, infidelity, communication and reconciliation — is available as a paperback and e-book. Visit Creators Publishing for more information. Send your questions for Annie Lane to [email protected].
If you purchase a product or register for an account through a link on our site, we may receive compensation. By using this site, you consent to our User Agreement and agree that your clicks, interactions, and personal information may be collected, recorded, and/or stored by us and social media and other third-party partners in accordance with our Privacy Policy.