Dear Annie: My spouse and I have longtime friends who visit from out of town several times a year. We’ve kept up this tradition for many years, and in return we also visit them. At first, these visits were enjoyable, but lately they’ve become a source of stress.
It began with small comments — they said the guest bed wasn’t comfortable and our towels smelled odd. Wanting to be gracious, my wife bought brand-new towels before their next visit. But then they complained the new ones were too small. On their following trip, the criticism shifted to our dishes and silverware, which they claimed weren’t clean. Now, whenever they visit, they take utensils from our drawers and re-wash them before using them.
What bothers me most is that they rarely say anything directly to me. Instead, they wait until I’m out of the room and then air their complaints to my wife. It feels disrespectful and ungrateful, especially since we go out of our way to host them. I’ve reached the point where I don’t even want them to come back. My wife tries to smooth things over, but I’m fed up.
Would it be wrong of me to draw the line and stop inviting them? — Fed Up
Dear Fed Up: You are not wrong to feel fed up. Hosting friends should be about laughter and connection, not constant critiques of your linens and cutlery. It is not only ungracious; it is disrespectful.
You and your wife have tried to accommodate their complaints, but the moving target suggests the problem is not really the towels or the silverware. It is their attitude. The next time they propose a visit, be honest. Tell them their criticisms have made hosting stressful, and you would like to take a break. If they are true friends, they will take the hint and change their behavior. If not, you have freed yourselves from being treated like hotel staff.
Read more Dear Annie and other advice columns.
“How Can I Forgive My Cheating Partner?” is out now! Annie Lane’s second anthology — featuring favorite columns on marriage, infidelity, communication and reconciliation — is available as a paperback and e-book. Visit Creators Publishing for more information. Send your questions for Annie Lane to [email protected].
If you purchase a product or register for an account through a link on our site, we may receive compensation. By using this site, you consent to our User Agreement and agree that your clicks, interactions, and personal information may be collected, recorded, and/or stored by us and social media and other third-party partners in accordance with our Privacy Policy.