Dear Annie: I was invited to, and attended, both an engagement party and a bridal shower. I spent a bit of money on gifts for both. I wasn’t invited to the wedding, which hurt me somewhat, but I understood the couple was trying to keep it small.
Now, two years later, I’ve been invited to the baby shower. While I’m happy for this couple, I can’t help but feel like I’m being used as a money/gift grab. On top of that, I never received a thank-you note or acknowledgment for the previous gifts I gave.
Am I being selfish or being taken advantage of? Thanks for hearing me out. — Feeling Used
Dear Feeling Used: You’re not being selfish; you’re being honest about how you feel. Keeping a guest list small is one thing, but not being thanked for your generosity — and also being left out on the big day — would leave anyone disheartened.
If you’d like to show support for the baby and mom-to-be, you could attend the shower with a card and simply your presence. If that still doesn’t sit right, a polite decline is perfectly acceptable. You don’t owe anyone a gift out of guilt. Real celebrations are about love and connection, not tallying up what people bring.
Read more Dear Annie and other advice columns.
“How Can I Forgive My Cheating Partner?” is out now! Annie Lane’s second anthology — featuring favorite columns on marriage, infidelity, communication and reconciliation — is available as a paperback and e-book. Visit Creators Publishing for more information. Send your questions for Annie Lane to [email protected].
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