Dear Annie: My husband, “Mark,” and I have been married for six years. For the most part, things are good between us, but there’s one recurring issue I can’t get past. Mark’s ex-wife, “Tina,” is still very involved in his life — not in a co-parenting way, since they don’t even have kids, but socially. She calls him every few weeks or so, invites him to group outings and has even dropped by his office “just to say hi.”
Mark says they’ve remained friends and that there’s nothing inappropriate going on. I want to believe him, but it makes me uncomfortable. I’ve told him how I feel, and he says he understands, but nothing has changed. He claims cutting her off would be “unnecessary drama” and that I’m overreacting.
I’m not trying to be controlling, but I honestly just can’t seem to let it go. It really bothers me, and I can’t help but spiral into thinking they still have feelings for each other. I wouldn’t keep that level of contact with any of my exes, and I don’t think it’s unreasonable to expect the same. I’m not sure how to move forward without sounding jealous or insecure.
Am I being too rigid or is this a red flag? — Second Place
Dear Second Place: It’s one thing to be friendly with an ex, but spending time together — especially alone together — on a regular basis is a lot. You’re not controlling or insecure for wanting it to stop.
Mark seems too concerned about starting “drama” with Tina and not concerned enough about the drama it’s causing for you — and that needs to change. Let him know how seriously you’re taking this. If his boundaries with Tina still don’t change, you might be better off finding someone who puts your feelings first.
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“How Can I Forgive My Cheating Partner?” is out now! Annie Lane’s second anthology — featuring favorite columns on marriage, infidelity, communication and reconciliation — is available as a paperback and e-book. Visit Creators Publishing for more information. Send your questions for Annie Lane to [email protected].
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