Dear Annie: At the beginning of the year, I met a guy we’ll call “Gus.” In the first couple of months, I felt like things would progress into a relationship. We went to dinner, watched movies and spent the night together multiple times. But once I started a second job, it got harder to see him — or so I told myself.
Since March, Gus hasn’t initiated a single hangout. I’ve asked him to, but he always says he’s busy with family. After ghosting me for almost two months, he showed up at my apartment at 1 a.m. to explain himself. I thought he was drunk, and I regretfully let him stay the night.
A few days later, my grandfather passed away. On the night of the funeral, Gus showed up, this time at 2 a.m., and stayed over again. It’s been over a month since then, and he hasn’t returned my calls or made any effort to see me.
While this has all been happening, I haven’t told my sister about any of it. I’ve been too embarrassed to because I know I’m not being treated the way I deserve. I’m 30, and relationships have always been difficult for me. My sister comes more into play because there’s a guy she’s been wanting me to meet. He’s friendly, family-oriented and has a good job. He got my number and reached out around the time of the funeral. We have a date planned soon.
Gus is still in my life at the moment, but I’m not sure how to go about things. Do I need to tell him about this other guy? Am I a bad person for initiating another conversation while already involved with Gus? — Feeling Like a Floozy
Dear Floozy: You’re not a bad person for entertaining someone who seems genuinely interested in you and ready to offer what you’re looking for. Gus hasn’t shown this capability — and worse, he hasn’t shown the interest in trying.
Between ghosting you, being inconsistent in his communication and showing up at all hours of the night, it’s clear Gus is looking for something casual at most. You don’t owe him anything he isn’t offering in return.
Go on the date, and give this new connection a chance. You deserve to be treated well by someone who is thoughtful, consistent and intentional. And don’t shut your sister out. It sounds like she truly has your best interest at heart, and that’s someone worth keeping in your corner.
Read more Dear Annie and other advice columns.
“How Can I Forgive My Cheating Partner?” is out now! Annie Lane’s second anthology — featuring favorite columns on marriage, infidelity, communication and reconciliation — is available as a paperback and e-book. Visit Creators Publishing for more information. Send your questions for Annie Lane to [email protected].
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