Dear Eric: I was married for 27 years to a wonderful woman who has passed away. We lived in a Female-led Relationship (FLR) which meant she was in charge of most things. We made joint decisions on the big things, but for the most part, what she said was what we did.
Included in this was discipline for me, including assignments such as standing in the corner, physical discipline and the like. None was abusive, all consensual. It worked for us and only a few other people were aware of our situation.
It’s been two years since she’s been gone and I’m back online with a pretty normal dating site. We never went to “clubs” or “parties” to meet other people in our lifestyle. How do I bring up my desire to be back in an FLR with potential dates? Obviously, not our first get-together, but when? I’m puzzled. Any ideas?
– Submissive Husband
Dear Husband: I’m sorry for the loss of your wife. And I’m sorry that the inability to share this part of yourself has made the grief process more isolating.
Try dating sites that are geared more toward specific interests and communities. Apps like Chyrpe and Feeld are designed to connect you more quickly and effectively with women looking for Female-led Relationships, for instance. More discreet than a party but also more far-reaching, apps and dating sites can be a boon for those who are clear about what they want. Always exercise caution, of course. Review a site’s safety procedures and use sites that include identity verification, if possible.
Additionally, consider putting your desire to be in an FLR in your regular dating profile. Even if you don’t elaborate on the definition, including this important detail about you can invite questions from those who don’t know what that is and messages of interest from those who do.
Send questions to R. Eric Thomas at eric@askingeric.com or P.O. Box 22474, Philadelphia, PA 19110. Follow him on Instagram and sign up for his weekly newsletter at rericthomas.com.