DEAR ERIC: It’s time for me to update my will, and I’m struggling with the division of my assets. I have no children of my own, and my general plan is to leave some to charity and distribute the rest to my niece and two nephews. It’s a long story, but all three were raised by my brother and his wife in what I consider to be a cult. The niece and one of the nephews broke free as young adults and have succeeded in building productive lives. The other nephew is still an ardent adherent to the cult and has gifted much of his substantial wealth to it.
The thought of any of my assets ending up with that organization turns my stomach. Can I ethically and morally exclude him from my will? If so, do I need to explain it in advance, or let the chips fall where they may after I die? If I do need to explain it, should I be forthright about my reasoning or find some other explanation in an effort to minimize family tensions later? I would be grateful for any advice you can offer.
– Agonizing Aunt
DEAR AUNT: The short answer is you can exclude him for any reason, including his membership in the cult. You’ll want to go over the specifics of your situation with an estate lawyer, of course. But your reasoning makes sense.
As to whether you should explain in advance or not, I think it depends on whether you have the desire to get into a debate with him about it. If you think that you can change his mind, it may be worth the conversation. But if not, you’re best letting the chips fall where they may. Yes, the division of the inheritance may cause some family strife, but it sounds like that tension is already at a slow boil, what with you brother, sister-in-law, and one nephew gripped by cult thinking and your niece and other nephew free of it. It’s unlikely that this future inheritance will have the power to de-program, so the best course of action may be asking yourself what can do the most good.
(Send questions to R. Eric Thomas at eric@askingeric.com or P.O. Box 22474, Philadelphia, PA 19110. Follow him on Instagram and sign up for his weekly newsletter at rericthomas.com.)
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