There’s a brief moment of panic when we arrive at Fonda Lupita: no desserts are listed on the menu.
The week before, Ae Bügger had spotted a photo of a towering slice of tres leches cake, topped with whipped cream and toasted coconut, on the Durham restaurant’s Instagram, a sighting that prompted this expedition with their grandmother Margaret Teta. But then relief washes over the faces of Bügger, 27, and Teta, 92: A tres leches cake is tucked away in a nearby refrigerated case.
After purchasing a slice and a large horchata, Bügger directs Teta through what’s become a familiar routine: filming a video for the duo’s 1,000-plus Instagram followers.
“Turn the label toward me, do a little shake, and take a sip,” Bügger instructs Teta, who is wearing a necklace strung with large beads that look like pieces of candy. Teta obliges. Bügger asks how it tastes.
“Sweet,” Teta says, puckering her lips.
Next, Bügger opens the plastic clamshell container that the cake is in and films a “cheers,” each of their loaded forks clinking bites of milk-soaked sponge.
For the past three years, Bügger has been documenting their outings with Teta on Instagram, building a following through posts that chronicle the desserts they eat at local establishments. The videos are usually 15 seconds or less, with a few scene-setting shots, a close-up of the dessert, and Teta’s delighted reaction to the first bite. The simple formula cuts through social media’s usual doom and gloom; most posts draw thank yous from featured businesses and enthusiastic comments from followers.
Born at Watts Hospital (now the North Carolina School of Science and Math) in 1933, Teta grew up in Old West Durham in her grandmother’s house—the same one where she and Bügger now live together. Their current living arrangement wasn’t planned. In fall 2021, Bügger was visiting Durham from California for two weeks, preparing for a months-long trip to Colombia, when Teta had a stroke and began experiencing the onset of dementia. After staying with her through her hospital stay and completing their planned travels, Bügger returned to Durham permanently to help care for Teta.
As Teta navigates these new challenges, the dessert outings tap into a rhythm established long ago. Sweet treats have been at the heart of Teta and Bügger’s relationship since Bügger was small. When Teta babysat Bügger, she’d assure Bügger’s mom they’d eaten a nutritious meal while she was away, her logic being that popcorn counted as corn, a vegetable, and chocolate came from cacao, a fruit.
“We always joke that the Teta blood is probably more chocolate than actual blood,” Bügger says.
“On a superficial level, trying dessert is quite simple,” they continue. “But it has led us to build community, it’s led us to try new things, to learn things about the people around us.”
This community-building was on full display at the Great Durham Bakeoff this January, where Teta served as a guest judge on her 92nd birthday. The event, held at Queeny’s, drew the competition’s largest crowd ever. A DJ spun tracks while thirteen bakers competed for Teta’s approval of their chocolate chip cookies.
Along with their cookies, the contestants submitted written descriptions. Some crafted narratives tailored to the guest judge.
“The key to this cookie is longevity,” read one description, for a “black miso brown butter dark chocolate chip” cookie. “I aged the cookie dough in the refrigerator for 24 hours to develop its flavor.”
True to form, Teta selected the winning cookie to be the one with the most chocolate: a brown butter cookie studded with large circular chocolate wafers.
Between rounds of cookie judging, the crowd sang “Happy Birthday” to Teta, and Bügger sold homemade coloring books for $5 each. The book’s front cover alludes to Michelangelo’s Creation of Adam, with two hands reaching toward a chocolate chip cookie. Inside, a dessert fairy appears to Bügger in a dream, setting them off on an enchanted quest with Teta through Durham in search of the city’s sweetest cookie.
The book also touches on the duo’s second favorite pastime: bowling. Their go-to spot, Mardi Gras, closed in 2023, Bügger says, but they’ve adapted to the automated lanes and thumping music at the Durham location of Bowlero.
Bügger sees their outings as a chance to step outside the whirlwind of daily life and simply be present with each other.
“In a capitalist society, there’s such a deep emphasis on individuality and efficiency, and it’s not always super prioritized to spend time with your elders,” Bügger says. “It’s really special that we get to do life together; to move slowly and savor things and meet creative people.”
Every now and then, Bügger and Teta sit down and go back through all the videos on the Instagram page together, Bügger says. Reliving each adventure, remembering the places they’ve been and the treats they’ve tried, has become its own kind of ritual.
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